so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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