My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
