BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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