No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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