where am i from again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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