Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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