you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
