Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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