with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
