Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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