weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
