I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
