Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
