And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
