Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
