i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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