She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
