Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
