i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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