Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize