I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
