Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
