My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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