the condom got lost in my hair
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He shit in the fireplace
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
