Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
