I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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