I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
