I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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