Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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