I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
