I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize