all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
