I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
