Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
