i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
