so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
