no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
