so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
