we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
