I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
