This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
