whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
