Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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