I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
