U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
