It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
