I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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