I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
