When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
