Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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