omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
