So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
