I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
