Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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