Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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