...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize