im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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