He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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