Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
