atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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