Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
