Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
