Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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