I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
